The Enneagram, My Favorite Thing
Thursday, March 3, 2011 If you've been to our house for dinner, you probably left with an Enneagram book. If we met for coffee and talked about almost any kind of confusion or conflict in your life, I probably gave you an Enneagram book. If we were chatting after an event and you asked my opinion about a new job or a new boyfriend or a new course of study, I probably recommended an Enneagram book.
In the last serveral months, I've talked Enneagram with a whole bunch of groups--church staff teams (I'm kind of making my way through the Willow staff department by department at this point), student leadership teams at colleges, groups of friends who want to learn about it.
Aside from prayer and conversation with people I love, God has used the Enneagram more than anything else to shape my life in the last several years.
The Enneagram has given me a framework for how to live in the healthiest possible way based on my type--how to make decisions, interpret my feelings and responses, and interact well with my husband and friends.
A tiny bit of background: the Enneagram is an ancient Catholic way of classiflying personality types, and the word means "nine types." It's been used in monasteries for centuries, and lots of the best writing & training about it comes from the Catholic tradition.
There are quizzes, but frankly, I really recommend people don't use them. I think the best thing to do is to read through each type description and find the one that resonates most deeply with you. That's a quick, easy process for some people and some types, and a longer, more difficult process for others. And I totally recommend talking through it with people who know you well. Most of the training I do is in teams, so that each person can weigh in as we try to identify types.
I'm a 7. Knowing this has put together pieces of a puzzle I've been struggling with for years. My husband is a 4. My best friend is a 3. My mother-in-law is a 2...and knowing each of their types helps me to interact with them and understand them in deeper and healthier ways.
Clearly, I'm in love.
Here's a really short overview of each type, and links for further study...which one are you?
No. 1 | Reformer – “the need to be perfect”
You are motivated by a need to live life the right way and to improve yourself and those around you. You tend to be serious and seldom crack jokes. It’s true, you aren’t very spontaneous. You don’t like to admit it, but you can get pretty frustrated when people don’t agree with your suggestions because you have put a lot of thought into making sure they are the best ideas. You can be your own worst critic but often others think you are mad at them when you are really just mad at yourself.
Basically, you fear being bad or defective and desire to be good, balanced and to have integrity. The voice in your head that says, “It’s not ok to make mistakes,” instead of “You are good,” has roots in your family of origin.
You walk into a room and ask, “What’s broken or wrong here and how can I fix it?” You find it hard to relax until everything is done. You are a rule follower and don’t like it when others break the rules. Incorrect grammar and spelling bother you. You are usually on time. You put a lot of thought into major purchases. You “should” yourself a lot. You have high expectations, so you are often disappointed which can lead to a sad/angry/resentful you.
At your best, you are ethical, reliable, productive, wise, idealistic, fair, honest, orderly and self-disciplined. At your worst, you are judgmental, inflexible, dogmatic, obsessive-compulsive, overly serious, controlling, anxious, jealous and critical of others. You can be manipulative by correcting others and insisting they share your standards.
Your shadow side is anger. You repress anger, leading to continual frustration and dissatisfaction with yourself and others. Many of your problems evolve from your avoidance of anger. Learn to acknowledge and work through your anger. You see things as black and white so when the Bible is gray about something you can get stuck. You have trouble with the concept of underserved grace. It can be really helpful for you to practice the spiritual practice of contemplative prayer. This involves a no-agenda, quiet time with God where you experience his love and forgiveness as you rest in His presence. You may also really connect with God in nature. You may benefit from studying his life and teachings. You need to constantly keep in mind that God asks us to grow; He does not demand perfection like the Pharisees and hypocrites.
No. 2 | Helper – “the need to be needed”
You are motivated by the need to be loved and appreciated, to express your positive feelings towards others, and to be needed. You need to feel close to people to feel happy. You have a desperate need to be liked, an exaggerated need for compliments, and you love talking about love and relationships. You are unselfish and love people unconditionally.
Basically, you desire to be loved but fear being unworthy of it. The voice in your head that says, “It’s not ok to have your own need,” instead of “You are wanted,” has roots in your family of origin.
You walk into a room and ask, “Who’s in need and how can I gain love by meeting that need?” You have trouble asking for what you need but love it when people need you. You are very sensitive to criticism and may cry easily. You are skilled at being flexible but it can be negative when your interests and sense of humor change depending on who you are hanging out with, because of your desire for people to need, like and approve of you. You often become physically ill and emotionally drained from taking care of everyone else. You try to meet your own needs by helping people with their needs.
At your best you are caring, flexible, insightful, generous, enthusiastic, and tuned in to how people feel. At your worst you are martyr-like, indirect, manipulative, possessive, hysterical, overly accommodating, and overly demonstrative. You can be manipulative by finding out others’ needs and desires, fulfilling them, making people dependent on you as others feel unworthy of your love, generosity or attention.
Your shadow side is false pride. This typically comes with having a view of others as being weak and needy because of times when they needed you to help them. Because you often give what you actually want from others, your giving can ultimately still be about you. It also can be difficult for you to ask for help because you are the one who helps. It can be difficult for you to even need God. In fact, it is easy to slip into thinking about how much God needs you to further His Kingdom. You may have developed a sense of shame about your needs. The antidote is humility and acknowledging that you tend to give so you can get. Tears of self-pity are different from tears of being humbled as you become honest with yourself. A goal for you will be to develop your identity so that it depends on what Christ says you are worth and not on what others say. Like a one, you may also struggle with the concept of grace. You will know that you have grown in this area when your shame turns to humility and gratitude.
No. 3 | Achiever – “the need to succeed”
You are motivated by the need to be productive, to achieve success, and to avoid failure. You are almost always busy. You hate having to put up with inefficiency and incompetence. You like to make lists, charts and goals for yourself. You have an optimistic attitude and go full force until the job gets done. You also do everything quickly. Illness barely slows you down. You can’t understand people who are bored; there is always something to do. Financial security is very important to you. You compare yourself to people who do things better than you but recover quickly from setbacks and charge ahead to the next challenge. You receive personal criticism fairly well. You seldom cry.
Basically, you desire to be of value and fear being worthless. The voice in your head that says, “It’s not okay to have your own feelings and identity,” instead of “You are loved just the way you are,” has roots in your family of origin. Of all the types, you have the most difficulty recognizing your feelings.
You walk into a room and say, “What do I have to do to succeed in this environment?” You tire of always being “on.” It’s exhausting. You love to network but you don’t talk about your personal life very much. You like to talk about your achievements and can never get enough praise, but you appear so confident that people rarely think of praising you. You like to be associated with important people. You like to stand out, feel pretty good about yourself and tend to make good first impressions. One-on-one, others wish you were more genuine and vulnerable.
At your best you are optimistic, confident, industrious, efficient, self-propelled, energetic, inspiring and practical. At your worst you are deceptive, narcissistic, pretentious, vain, superficial, vindictive, and overly competitive. You can be manipulative by charming others and adopting whatever image will “work” to get the results you crave.
Your shadow side is deceit. You do everything to elicit praise. You fit easily into American capitalism. It can be difficult for you to acknowledge failure of any kind. You may embellish a project, story or situation so it appears better than reality. Image is everything and you virtually airbrush everything to make it look great. When you are really unhealthy, you believe the lies are true and are satisfied with superficiality. Unlike ones you can be quite comfortable with the gray areas in Scripture. Your biggest obstacle to spiritual growth is being honest with yourself about your failures. If you go through the pain of acknowledging your shadow side, you can become ironically successful at spreading truth. The confession, “I’ve failed; I was wrong; I lied,” costs you a lot of effort but can change your life. You will benefit from practicing solitude and silence—to simply exist in the presence of Jesus.
No. 4 | Individualist – “the need to be special”
You are motivated by the need to understand your feelings and to be understood, to search for the meaning of life, and to avoid being ordinary. You can become non-functional for hours, days, or weeks when you are depressed. Your melancholy moods are important--you don’t necessarily want to get out of them. The news really upsets you. You are super-sensitive to the tiniest critical remark. You cry easily. Beauty, love, sorrow and pain really touch you. You often long for what others have. You live in the past and future more than in the present reality. You are very intuitive. You hate when people are genuine or lack integrity. You tend to focus on your faults and are always searching for your true self. You like being different but hate feeling different at the same time. You are artistically gifted and a non-conformist.
Basically, you fear being without an identity or personal significance because of how much you desire to be your authentic self. The voice in your head that says, “It’s not okay to be too functional or too happy,” instead of “You are seen for who you are,” has roots in your family of origin.
You walk into a room and ask, “How can I establish myself as unique in this environment?” Being understood is very important to you. Your friends say they enjoy your warmth and your different way of looking at life. You try to support friends when they are in crisis. Sometimes you try to control people. You have spent years longing for the great love of your life to come along. You like to be seen as one of a kind. When people tell you what to do, you often become rebellious and do or wish you could do the opposite. Your personality tends toward the dark and dramatic. You dress to stand out. You may find that you break up and get back together with the same person over and over again. You are attracted to deep thinkers, writers, musicians etc.
At your best you are warm, compassionate, introspective, expressive, creative, intuitive, supportive, and refined. At your worst you are depressed, self-conscious, guilt- ridden, moralistic, withdrawn, stubborn, moody, and self-absorbed. You can be manipulative by your moodiness, making others “walk on eggshells” around you. You tend to express your true feelings indirectly through art, music, drama.
Your shadow side is envy. You are rarely satisfied with your current life and possessions. There is nothing you can’t be envious about. When you lose something you suddenly want it again. You have been rejected and feel it is your fault, which often perpetuates shame. You can have an elitist attitude yet often feel you are never elite or special enough. You may strive frantically for authenticity yet everything in your life is carefully staged to avoid being ordinary. As you recognize and confess your envy, you will begin to feel balanced in a deep and consistent way. You will come to rest when you can accept reality even when it is ugly and dirty. It is difficult but necessary for you to grieve all types of loss in your life from world peace to an ugly sweater.
No. 5 | Investigator – “the need to perceive”
You are motivated by the need to know everything and understand the universe, to be self-sufficient and left alone, and to avoid not having the answer or looking foolish.
You think before you act. You observe and notice everything. You are open to new ideas and can be a good listener. You often feel empty and long for fulfillment, therefore you can’t get enough. You tend to have trouble showing your feelings and expressing them physically. You are not a hugger. Before you can make a decision you need way more information that the average person. Before you’ll admit you are a five you’ll need to read a few books. You like to travel. You get tired when you are with people for too long.
Basically, you fear being useless, incapable, or incompetent. The voice in your head that says, “It’s not okay to be comfortable in the world,” instead of “Your needs are not a problem,” has roots in your family of origin.
You walk into a room and ask, “What information do I need to understand this environment?” You collect thoughts, ideas, silence, and personal space which can make it difficult for you to maintain a committed relationship—the other person needs too much of your space and time. This doesn’t mean you don’t have a desire for love or marriage; it just stands in your way. Oddly, you can feel closer too someone physically distant than someone living in your own house. You are most likely an introvert and a home-body. You can come across as cold, yet have an intense, inner emotional life. Unlike a four, you avoid drawing attention to yourself. You hate the words, “share” or “communicate."
At your best you are analytical, persevering, sensitive, wise, objective, perceptive, and self-contained. At your worst you are intellectually arrogant, stingy, stubborn, distant, critical of others, unassertive, and negative. You can be manipulative by staying preoccupied and detaching emotionally from others.
Your shadow side is greed and stinginess. Knowledge is power and you feel more secure by collecting it. You withdraw from relationships that require dependency, feelings, and physical touch. You compartmentalize your life into independent parts. You give only when you are sure a person does not expect it. Your hoarding is both of knowledge and material possessions. You can even be stingy with your emotions. You fear losing yourself. You are modest and waste nothing. When you grow spiritually, you are capable of great objectivity. You can grow in wisdom as you believe and trust in a God who is greater than worldly knowledge and is more mysterious that you’d like to admit. Prayer and journaling are helpful practices for you.
No. 6 | Loyalist – “the need for security”
You are motivated by the need to receive approval, to feel taken care of, and to avoid being seen as rebellious. You are plagued by doubt. You like to know where you stand with people. You are always on the alert for problems or danger. You tend to take things too seriously. You can be a very hard worker. You either procrastinate or jump headfirst into even risky situations. You either follow rules closely or totally break them. You like predictability. You have sabotaged your own success out of fear. Sometimes you love risky sporting activities because it kind of snaps you out of your constant cautiousness and feels freeing.
Basically, you desire security and therefore fear being without support or guidance. The voice in your head that says, “It’s not okay to trust yourself,” instead of “You are safe,” has roots in your family of origin.
You walk into a room and ask, “Where is possible danger and how can I protect the people I love?” You are nervous around authority figures. You experience critique as a personal attack. You often obsess about what your significant other is thinking. The more vulnerable you are in an intimate relationship, the more testy you become. Your friends think of you as loyal, supportive, and compassionate. You have a good sense of humor. You can totally pick up on people trying to manipulate you with flattery. You really dislike snobbish people. You avoid inappropriate behavior. You overestimate and mistrust authority at the same time and tend to blindly obey.
At your best you are loyal, likable, caring, warm, compassionate, witty, practical, helpful, and responsible. At your worst you are hyper-vigilant, controlling, unpredictable, judgmental, paranoid, defensive, rigid, self-defeating, and testy. You can be manipulative by complaining and testing others’ commitment to you.
Your shadow side is fear and anxiety. In your most immature moments you are paranoid about danger. You have an exaggerated need for security. You can be pessimistic and anxious about success. When you do succeed you become anxious that surely life is going to well and something bad is going to happen. You sometimes take pleasure in losing and in being a victim. You may find that you have a hard time accepting praise. Sometimes your mistrust of people leads to you projecting hostility, hatred, and negative thoughts onto other people when there is little evidence of it being true. If you have a trusted counselor or pastor to talk to, you can be led gradually to a place of looking your fears in the eye which is when you can begin to replace your fears with relaxing truth. When you are growing spiritually you develop courage and can learn to overcome fear more easily than anyone else. Your faith in God will come from a deep personal connection to Him and this will spill over into your life.
No. 7 | Enthusiast – “the need to avoid pain”
You are motivated by the need to be happy and plan fun things, to contribute to the world, and to avoid suffering and pain. You enjoy life and are generally uninhibited and optimistic. You are busy and energetic and seldom get bored. You often take verbal or physical risks. You aren’t an expert in any one thing but can do many things well. You often have several tasks going at one time. You like yourself and are good to yourself. You love travel and excitement. You tend to get what you want. You are idealist and want to contribute to the world. You live in the moment. You may overuse words like, “Great! Cool! Awesome!” You are likely to know a lot of random facts. You may be the class clown.
Basically, you desire to be happy and fear being deprived or trapped in pain. The voice in your head that says, “It’s not okay to depend on anyone for anything,” instead of “You will be taken care of,” has roots in your family of origin.
You walk into a room and ask, “How can I add more energy or make this feel like a special occasion?” You usually pick upbeat friends who have similar goals. You seem to let go of grievances and recover from loss faster than most people you know. You like people and they usually like you. You tend to say what’s on your mind, and it sometimes gets you in trouble. You find it easy to make great sacrifices to help others. You value quick wit. You go back and forth from feeling committed to wanting your freedom and independence in relationships. You are often at ease within groups. When people are unhappy you try to get them to lighten up and see the bright side. Sometimes you feel superior and sometimes you feel inferior to others. You can turn anything into an experience.
At your best you are fun-loving, spontaneous, imaginative, productive, enthusiastic, quick, confident, charming, and curious. At your worst you are narcissistic, impulsive, unfocused, rebellious, undisciplined, possessive, manic, self-destructive, and restless. You can be manipulative by distracting others and insisting that they meet your demands.
Your shadow side is gluttony. You enjoy life but you can enjoy it too much. Overindulging in food, drink, entertainment and avoiding the realities of life. More is always better, but if the overindulgence becomes unpleasant, you’ll put the brakes on because you avoid unpleasantness. You tend to deny that you are capable of hurting anyone. You do this because it hurts you that you might hurt someone else and you try to avoid pain as much as possible. You rationalize and repress anything that is negative. You are an idealist. You think your way through pain instead of feeling it. Your fun can actually be over-planned and lack joy. It typically takes a long time for a seven to acknowledge their shadow side. You literally don’t like darkness. You are capable of spreading joy but your growth edge will be recognizing and accepting all sides of reality. Allow God to be your joy and not adventures of this world. Realize that God accepts even the painful aspects of you and try to name what those things are. Lean into those around you to work through your past and present pain.
No. 8 | Challenger – “the need to be against”
You are motivated by the need to be self-reliant and strong, to make an impact on the world, and to avoid being weak. You can be assertive and aggressive when necessary. You value being direct and honest; you put your cards on the table. You are a non-conformist. You fight for what is right. You support the underdog. You make decisions easily. Self-reliance and independence are important. You tend to overindulge in food or other stimulus. You work hard and now how to get things done. You like excitement and stimulation. You view softness as weakness and adhere to a belief that toughness is the way to not get pushed around. You trust your way more than any other.
Basically, you have a desire to protect yourself and fear being harmed or controlled by others. The voice in your head that says, “It’s not okay to be vulnerable or to trust anyone,” instead of “You will not be betrayed,” has roots in your family of origin.
You walk into a room and ask, “Who’s in charge, and do I need to take over?” You hate being used or manipulated. You respect people who stand up for themselves. You will go to any lengths to protect those you love. Sometimes people are offended by your bluntness. When you enter a new group, you know immediately who the most powerful person is. In a group you are sometimes an observer rather than a participant. Sometimes, you like to spar with people, especially when you feel safe. You are vulnerable and loving only when you really trust someone. Overly nice or flattering people bother you. You fight with people to get closer to them. Since you enjoy conflict and most everybody else doesn’t, you can push away the people you are trying to get close to. You aren't threatened by power and you protect the weak.
At your best you are direct, authoritative, trustworthy, just, loyal, energetic, earthy, protective, and self-confident. At your worst you are controlling, rebellious, insensitive, domineering, self-centered, skeptical, and aggressive. You can be manipulative by dominating others and demanding they do things your way.
Your shadow side is shamelessness and lust. You can exploit another person and not respect their dignity. You can make high moral demands of others but not hold yourself to the same standard. You sense that the strong rule and that it’s okay to break the rules to get what you need. You have trouble apologizing because it looks like weakness. A block to your spiritual growth is this difficulty you have in admitting to God or anyone else that you make mistakes. The twist is that you like to take the side of the weak and challenge those who may be oppressing them. On the inside you feel way more tender and vulnerable than you are okay admitting. It may be difficult for you to submit to a God and surrender to Him. Know that only God can balance the scales in life and seek His power in this area. Acknowledge your areas of weakness and confess them to God. Surrender your need to be in control and your sense of being unprotected and your fear of trusting others will diminish.
No. 9 | Peacemaker – “the need to avoid”
You are motivated by the need to keep the peace, merge with others, and avoid conflict. You often feel one with nature and people. Making choices can be very difficult. You can see the advantages and disadvantages of all options. Instead of tackling what you really need to do, you sometimes do little unimportant things. When there is unpleasantness going on around you, you just zone out and think about something else.
If you don’t have some routine or structure in my day, you get almost nothing done. You tend to put things off until the last minute, but you almost always get them done. You like to be calm and unhurried. You take criticism personally. You focus on the positive. You have trouble getting rid of things. Once you get going, it is easy to keep going, but you sometimes have a hard time getting started. You are prone to putting yourself down. You know what you don’t want more than what you do. Sometimes you are hard to put a finger on. It’s like you are “blurry” as a person. It is super helpful when you are given clear instructions, expectations, and priorities.
Basically, you desire to be at peace and fear losing connections and feeling scattered. The voice in your head that says, “It’s not okay to assert yourself,” instead of “Your presence matters,” has roots in your family of origin.
At your best you are pleasant, peaceful, generous, patient, receptive, diplomatic, open-minded, and empathic. At your worst you are spaced-out, forgetful, stubborn, obsessive, apathetic, passive-aggressive, judgmental and unassertive. You can be manipulative by “checking out” and passive-aggressively resisting others.
When you walk into a room you ask, “How can I avoid conflict and bring about reconciliation?” It is sometimes hard for you to know what you want when you are around other people. Others see you as peaceful, but inside you often feel anxious. You usually prefer walking away form a disagreement to confronting someone. Sometimes you feel shy and unsure of yourself. You enjoy hanging out with a significant other or friends. Supportive relationships are very important to you. You like to listen and give people support. You are honest and have no hidden motives. Sometimes you regret saying too much, but it’s like you can’t help it. You aren’t good at pursuing people but you welcome it when people approach you.
Your shadow side is laziness. You can avoid everything in life, even yourself. Conflicts and “have to’s” constantly drain you. You prefer the path of least resistance and are afraid of making decisions that will limit your freedom. You are prone to addiction, because life takes so much energy from you and it’s an easier choice to rest, relax, and numb. You will grow in your ability to be present and achieve your goals when you receive love and attention. When you confess your tendency to avoid and begin to receive God’s love, you will gain energy and can move forward.
{Written and Compiled by Chrissie Steyn, with consultation from Shauna Niequist.}
Sources:
The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert
The Enneagram Made Easy: Discover the 9 Types of People by Renee Baron and Elizabeth Wagele
The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson
Additional Resources:
The Enneagram in Love and Work: Understanding Your Intimate and Business Relationships by Helen Palmer
www.enneagraminstitute.com
www.9types.com
Reader Comments (19)
Thanks for sharing all this information, I'll definitely be reading more about it!
Thanks
FYI we used assessme.org as a ministry tool to connect volunteers, etc...it too is a great tool specific to ministry stuff. I can't wait to explore more about Enneagrams...thanks for sharing.
(That's my post above.)
I have read books and taken quizzes, and as with almost everything personality related, I always seem to identify rather strongly with two or more types (in this case, the 3, 4, and 9). However, after spending many days mulling it over, trying to be objective as possible when it comes to thinking about oneself, I have come to the conclusion that I am a 9. I believe I was avoiding the fact that I am, without a doubt, avoidant, but now that I've been paying close attention to my behavior over the last several days since I read this, it is becoming more and more clear that I'm definitely a 9.
As always I get so much out of your writing and love the way your writing makes me think, chew on and reflect on things. Bittersweet is my new favorite book and I find it breathtaking.
You continue to be on my heart with your struggle to have a 2nd child and I'm praying for present and future grace for all involved.
After a few questionnaires and type descriptions, I've come to the realization that Harmony is an Eight. Awesome. My not-so-harmonious little Asserter/Challenger. One workbook I was reading said that Eights are the most likely type to become drug dealers. Double awesome. Now I'm thinking that our morning battles over putting on her shoes and coat really aren't that bad.
Thanks for all you do and write. Really happy for your healthy pregnancy.
I am a total Myers Briggs geek. I find discovering more about the incredible and unique way God created me to be so empowering and SO helpful in navigating relationships with others. (I'm ENFP, by the way)
I took an online Enneagram quiz a few months ago and scored a 9: Peacemaker. Reading through this confirms it. COMPLETELY. Every word is so accurate.
I'm curious about the books . . . is there one more than others that helps to motivate you to work with the strengths of your type and maybe downplay weaknesses? I battle laziness BIG TIME.