Lent, Part Two
Tuesday, March 15, 2011 As you may know, for Lent I've decided to speak no negative words.
I had no idea how difficult it would be or how often I'd have to catch my words just before they tumble out. I had no idea how frequently I'd say something negative before I caught myself and had to apologize.
I'm ashamed to report how quiet I am these days. I don't tend to think of myself as a negative person. I tend to be an optimist, but I'm nothing if not opinionated, and especially when I'm stressed, I tend to dwell on small details, trying to control things when everything feels out of control.
Confession: I'm finding that along the way for me critical and negative words have become somewhere between sport and recreation--casual, careless, funny. An indulgence, an itch to scratch, a naughty habit between friends. And this recent experience is forcing me to face the reality that it's not nearly so harmless--not for anyone involved.
I spent about an hour this weekend catching up on assorted things, laptop on my knees, phone in hand. And in the course of that hour, I realized that I'd generated no less than six things to complain to Aaron or someone about later. Six things that someone did or said or wrote on Facebook or texted. Six things in a one hour period in which I never left my bed.
I didn't tell Aaron any of these things. I didn't tell anyone. Because giving voice to those six things gives them power. What I'm finding is that holding back the words takes their power away. I notice the passing flicker of annoyance, but then it's gone, because silence absorbs the power, reduces it. On a normal day, I'd tell Aaron or a friend, and by telling someone, I'd give it power, igniting it like a fire.
My recent silence is shaping me--causing me to examine each word. My silence is also a gift I give to other people. I'm realizing that on a normal day, poor Aaron has to listen to a near-steady stream of what annoys me about this person, and how this bothered me, and what I don't like about that. What a horrible thing to unload on someone. What a horrible kind of person to live with.
I'm embarrassed that this is how I spend my words. Even after less than a week, I'm so thankful for this exercise, for what's it's forcing me to face in myself and for the discipline it's requiring of me.
Whether you're the Lent-y type or not, I'd love for you to try it for a day or two and let me know how it goes.
No negative words--no complaining, no criticism, no passing on annoyances or reporting other people's shortcomings. In the space that's created, use words to affirm, to celebrate, to express gratitude. More on that part of it next week--to be honest, this week has been challenging enough, just keeping my mouth shut.
Reader Comments (16)
I think through your testimony about this issue and some things I'm facing in my own life, God is trying to tell me to put my sword, my tongue, down. Thanks for this... I'm inspired to make some changes in my own words and language AND to go write a blog post about this...
And, maybe that's exactly what needs to happen.
Thank you, Shauna!
In the midst of all this laudable self-improvement, don't forget to show mercy to yourself, Shauna.
It has been encouraging to read your reflections on lent and giving up negative words, thank you for continuing to share and write in your beautiful reflective way!
Shauna—I heard you speak at Hope College this past November 1. I met you briefly afterwards. I am an English/Writing teacher at Fennville High School where the Wes Leonard tragedy took place a week and a half ago. Wes was a student of mine.
Our community is completely devastated. Last Thursday and Friday, I read excerpts of Bittersweet to my students (all juniors) and then had them write their own responses to your writing. Your chapter “say something” really touched these students’ hearts. They were completely silent and teary-eyed, yet inspired and comforted by your words. It was as if you were there speaking directly to them, offering some healing.
Many of them have asked me if they could borrow Bittersweet. Wes’s girlfriend, Selena, asked me if I had an extra copy of your book, so I went out and bought her one tonight.
I cannot tell you how much your book has helped these particular English students and me during such incredible sadness. I have turned to Bittersweet many times in the past several days. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing a book that we feel we NEED in our lives.
Thank you for playing a role in some of our students’ lives as they try to process all they have been through in the past 12 days. Your books are a gift to the world, and as somebody who writes every day in my life, I know what hard work writing entails. I am forever thankful that you have taken the time to write your two books. They have been such a blessing to many of us here in Fennville. I feel like I have given my students a special gift by sharing Bittersweet. Their writings reveal that what you have to say has made them stop, think, and connect what they have heard to their lives right now. Thank you.
Susan James McEntyre
Great posts with very important and possibly transformational challenges for all of us.
Proverbs 18:21 reads, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue..." The Midrash, a 1500-2000 year old Jewish commentary on the Hebrew Bible, says that "the evil tongue slays three: the slanderer, the slandered and the listener." A Japanese proverb says, "A word once uttered is beyond the reach of four galloping horses."
In his book "Hasidic Tales" Rabbi Rami Shapiro writes that the Baal Shem Tov, the founder of Hasidism in the early 18th century, said that a person is born with a fixed number of words to speak in her/his lifetime. When that count is reached, the person dies. So here is the practice: The next time you about to criticize someone, to engage in gossip, or to utter any negative and hurtful words, ask yourself: Are these words worth dying for?
Make it a good week for yourself and others,
Wholeness,
Jordan
~Jerene
You have inspired me. I am going to do it. I awoke this morning convicted about my careless words and sad. So this is perfect timing for me. I love, love, love, your honest words. They truly minister...so don't stop writing, ever.
Thank you,
Lori,
p.s. I am so so so happy about that new 'Niequest' growing inside of you.